It’s All About Being Present!
My most important, and elusive, practice is the topic of my first blog post. Life as meditation. Or, being present.
Boy, did I underestimate the skill and patience required of being a mom. After 4 years in the mommy club, I am perplexed by the spiritual practice of being present. In many ways, caring for children is all about being present. You’ve never slowed down as much as when you’ve taken a walk with a toddler. Every ant, leaf, rock, and crack in the sidewalk is new and must be explored. It’s really quite wonderful when I stop to see through my children’s eyes.
And the saying that kids grow up so fast is really true. Knowing this from those who have gone before, I find myself watching each developmental milestone in my children, willing them to stay in that place long enough for me to be able to set it in my memory.
On the other hand, the tasks of being a stay-at-home-parent require planning and multi-tasking in such a way as to prohibit the act of being present. Anticipating the need for sleep and food in order to prevent the all-feared temper tantrum. Within the window between napping and the next meal, don’t forget to pack for your errand or activity: a change of clothes, extra diapers, wipes, sunscreen, hat, cell phone, wallet, toys, snacks… It’s exhausting always anticipating, always planning, always racing between food or sleep events.
Life as meditation
I should take a lesson from the airplane emergency information: the adult should always give themselves oxygen before attending to a child. Or, as a friend of mine puts it, “I’m only as good for you as I am for myself.” I know that people know this as an objective concept, but the reality is that children are pulling and whining and racing around requiring feeding and changing and attending to. Often our needs can be put on hold and then are just never picked up. It’s an age-old problem, and as I’m just spewing this stuff out stream of consciousness, hoping for an epiphany, I receive one. It is the thing we’ve heard a million times, over and over again. Stay Present. Stop. Just be here and now. There’s the epiphany. But, how does that work when everything is spinning? Maybe I find a place to pull over, step aside, walk away. Stop & Breathe. Can I remember those two instructions? When life gets harried, when I can’t figure out which way to go, Stop Going Anywhere! STOP…BREATHE. It will allow me to regroup and orient myself, and maybe not take myself so seriously. The kids around me don’t have to stop, I don’t necessarily have to stop what I’m doing, but my mind has to stop spinning and yearning for something different. If my body has to stop in order for my mind to stop, so be it.
Empirical evidence shows that we manifest what we place our attention on. Whether we intend to or not, our intention is where our attention is focused. After I STOP…and BREATHE… then I focus my attention/intention on peace, on the here and now. I manifest peace in my life. I manifest health. I manifest compassion. And, as I always need to remind myself, compassion starts first with myself. When I am truly compassionate with myself, nurturing myself, I accumulate the energy to care for others happily, without resentment.
Can I keep keep caring for my family 24-7, without a break, and continue this practice? STOP, BREATHE, and maybe NURTURE MYSELF.
On the practical side, JJ sat down with me to work on my “Big Rocks” (in the spirit of Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.) The important/urgent things always require attention, yet the important/NON-urgent tasks seem to never even get started. And those are the things that hang over my head, nagging at me, further depleting my energy. We have cleaned up my To Do list. I pick one or two things each week to work on. Or, if I have a busy week, I deliberately DON’T even think about trying to get anything done. Now I do what is realistic to do, and focus my energy into accomplishing those tasks, and I let myself off the hook if there’s just no time. So far it’s been super helpful (for the first couple of weeks.) I feel so much more positive and energetic because I’m getting a few things completed and still giving myself time to relax and recuperate when I need to. And now I don’t need to feel guilty about relaxing and re-energizing.
Now that I have clarified my intention, my energy is already flowing clearer and calmer. I’ll keep you posted on the progress of my practice. Please feel free to share how you stay centered and grounded through life’s storms. I look forward to the dialog.